How Easily Can I Offend You?
by Vin Miller
If I told you that you aren’t worth the air that you breathe, that you’re dumber than a rock, or that you’re the ugliest I’ve ever seen, would you be offended? If so, you may want to give this some thought.
Allowing yourself to be affected by an offensive action results in anger or sadness and often leads to a series of additional negative emotions and even regrettable behavior. This is certainly not conducive to happiness or good health and can have an undesirable impact on your life. Furthermore, the initial event that causes all of this is often trivial and not worth a fraction of the emotion that’s wasted on it.
A Telling Case of Outrage on the Bus
On the commuter bus that I ride almost every day, one of the other passengers periodically blurts out random bits of profanity. The first few times I heard it, I was a bit shocked and figured that this person must either be deeply disgruntled or suffer from some type of disorder such as coprolalia. Either way, I don’t consider it to be a big deal and don’t pay much attention to it. Obviously, most of the other people who ride the bus on a regular basis have come across this behavior as well, and aside from the side conversations that it occasionally inspires, they don’t pay much attention to it either.
One person, however, must have had her first encounter with this and was not about to let it slide. I watched her turn around in a huff, and in a clearly aggravated, matter of fact, and sarcastically polite tone, ask for the profanity to stop. I actually felt more embarrassed for her than the guy uttering the profanities! Is it really a big enough deal to start a confrontation? The guy said two sentences at most and wasn’t even talking to anyone in particular.
No big deal I thought, frustration gets the best of us all from time to time. However, as the bus emptied, the offended woman took the issue up with the bus driver who will be obligated to relay the message to the managers of the bus company, and in turn, the bus company will be obligated to do something about it. If you ask me, it’s all a bunch of unnecessary commotion.
Life is Too Short to Be Offended
Life provides a nearly infinite amount of opportunity to enjoy fulfilling experiences, but only a limited amount of time to do it. As such, life is far too short to waste even a minute of time by reacting negatively to trivial occurrences. Although there are cases where the sadness or anger that result from being offended can promote personal growth, these emotions are more often a waste of time, energy, and life. So why let them happen? When you take offense to something, it’s nothing more than your perspective of the situation, and as such, it’s a choice that you have complete control over.
I’ll admit from first hand experience that overcoming negative reactions to offensive behavior is much easier said than done, but that certainly doesn’t mean it’s not possible. By letting yourself be offended, you’re letting someone else control your emotions, and when you surrender this control, it’s difficult to maintain a balanced and happy demeanor. This is not to say that you should be emotionless towards the people who you trust and care about, but that you shouldn’t let yourself be bothered by actions that don’t have much of an impact on your life, even if they are inappropriate, aggravating, or insulting.
How to Overcome Offensive Behavior
When something offends you, there’s a good chance that it’s because your self confidence has been challenged. Having a clear understanding of the values that you live by will instill confidence. The better your understanding is, the less susceptible you’ll be to offensive behavior.
Some of my most important values include being healthy, happy, and positive, and I have a very strong and clear perspective on how to make it happen. When people criticize or ridicule how I live, I do my best to learn from it, and if I can’t, I don’t pay much attention to it. I have a very strong sense of what’s best for me and it’s serving me quite well. As such, why should I get bent out of shape if someone chooses to disagree with me in an insulting manner? I’m confident enough in who I am to not lose sleep over it.
Remember the saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? After all, in regard to the bus situation, profanities are nothing more than words. The next time someone does or says something that offends you, try to take advantage of the choice you have to not let it escalate into a downward spiral of negative emotions, or worse, a pointless confrontation.
Being Offended Can do More than Ruin Your Day
Being offended can obviously ruin your day, or at least part of it. More importantly, the negative emotions associated with being offended, such as anger and frustration, are a source of physically destructive stress. Most people already have too much stress in their lives, and if left unaddressed, it can cause adrenal fatigue and even increase the risk of life threatening diseases such as heart disease and cancer.
If you’re easily offended, chances are that most people won’t want to spend much time with you. When’s the last time you enjoyed being around someone who’s angry or depressed? As obvious as the answer may seem, it’s unfortunately very easy to overlook when you’re the one who’s creating the uncomfortable environment. Close relationships are one of the best aspects of life, and if you’re unpleasant to be around because of a tendency to be easily offended, then you may very well miss out on it. If this isn’t enough incentive by itself to lighten up, then I don’t know what is!
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Vin, I couldn’t agree with you more. I wrote an article on this very topic recently. If you are offended too much, the problem lies inside you. You can’t control other people and you shouldn’t want to anyway so get over it and get on with YOUR life. Thanks buddy!
Yes, Vin very close match to the rat race trap post about it! Before reading stephen’s article (read July 2009), I was a person that gets easily offended.
I realized that our perspective is very flexible, it is like play-dough, it can be anything you want, but not unnecessary things like being offended. Instead we better focus on the rational.
How about life is too *fragile* to be offended, I believe there is a link to being too offended and committing suicide. If you’ve not done already, please research. It gives me jitters when I hear someone committing suicide or my occassional suicidal thoughts. I believe I am already immune to those thoughts.
Human life is indeed very fragile. Not only we need to be careful about our body (health), but also with with our emotional health, a subset of full body health.
ps. By the way, I’m currently spicing up the layout of the diet solution program with Isabel’s permission. (I do layout design as one of my free time activities), so it is at the bottom of my priority list.
So far I like the layout of naturalbias.com, the green background especially, and its simplicity, compared to naturalnews.com (very distracting).
But of course things can always be improved, and I will tell you in the future.
My philisophy:
Good layout design is about being simple, straight to the point, minimal, being artistic when appropriate (it should enhance the understanding of the point), and being organized.
So I believe no one should undervalue the importance of layout design for complicated things, it’s simpler than you think.
(Disclaimer: forgive my ego, I believe I do not have much experience yet, but I’m passionate)
I believe through the use of graphic design, big entities have been very successful.
I agree with what you are saying Vin, and some wise old guys do too. Often a perpetrator is emotionally and extremely stressed and perhaps feeling very much worse than we are at the moment. Imagine that the positions are switched for a different perspective on the situation.
“It’s hard to have one’s watch stolen, but one reflects that the thief of the watch became a thief from causes of heredity and environment which are as interesting as they are scientifically comprehensible; and one buys another watch, if not with joy, at any rate with a philosophy that makes bitterness impossible.” – Arnold Bennett
“Consider how much more you often suffer from your anger and grief, than from those very things for which you are angry and grieved.” – Marcus Antonius
Thanks for your comments!
Stephen – That was a great article and is part of what convinced me to write this one (in addition to the little incident on the bus, of course).
Ægil – Life can certainly be fragile and it sounds like you’ve made some great strides in overcoming your susceptibility to it. Thank you for your compliment about my design! I have a technical background and am proud to say that I designed it myself.
I like to keep things simple, including my websites!
Grampa Ken – Yes, people who engage in offensive behavior are likely to do so as a result of excessive stress. I’m pretty sure that we’ve all been on this side of the fence, and in line with those excellent quotes, I’d much rather weather an abrasive attack than be unhappy enough to carry one out. However, the importance of overcoming unpleasant situations still applies to both parties.
“Life provides a nearly infinite amount of opportunity to enjoy fulfilling experiences, but only a limited amount of time to do it.”
That was my favourite line in this really good post. Up till now I’ve been telling myself that I’m just too lazy to be offended.